Life's not right. What do you mean I am grieving?

Most people associate grief with the loss of a loved one. Grief is a multifaceted response related to someone or something with which we have formed a bond. As humans we grieve for a lot of things outside of death. We can grieve for:

• the ending of a friendship
• the loss of a job or career
• the ending of a relationship
• the loss of a pet
• the trauma of an accident

Most people believe grief is an emotional response and once we have finished grieving, we move on with our lives. But this is not always the case. Grief can cause physical, psychological and behavioural changes. These can be permenant or temporary and can occur months or even years after the grief event.

Heard of the grief cycle?

When we grief for something we go through a number of phases:

1. Shock - 'Oh my I've just dropped my favourite cup!'
2. Denial - 'Oh I can't believe its smashed'
3. Anger - 'Why did this happen?'
4. Bargaining - 'OK I can get a new cup - I'll be ok'
5. Depression - 'I am sad I broke my favourite cup'
6. Acceptance and Adjustment - 'It won't be the same without my cup but I will be ok with the new one'.

To go through the full grief cycle can take a couple of years (This is completely natural) but occasionally we can get stuck in a part of parts of the cycle and never move through it. Many years later we don't even realise that this is the reason something is not quite right in our lives or we continually repeat patterns.

Client X came to me becuase they could not achieve what they wanted to with their career. They continually had problems in jobs and never felt settled. This particular client would always look back to a particular time 'if only i'd passed that exam my life would be so different'. The client had chosen a career but failed to get the grades needed to get into it so. What they did not realise was that they were griefing for the loss of this dream job and were stuck between the denial and bargaining phases. As a result, they 'failed' at everything they did, always got passed over for promotion and never achieved what they wanted to achieve. This particular client had tried several different jobs over the years but never been satisfied. With a number of analysis sessions, this client was able to work through their grief and move on with their lives to be succesful. The client got to a point of acceptance and moved on successfully.

Client Y came to me because they were unsuccessful at starting a relationship. It turned out that the client was grieving for the ending of their first serious relationship and had never moved on from this. At the end of our sessions, this client had more confidence, greater self worth and was able to feel happier about meeting people.

Client Z came see me becuase they had lost their long-term partner to illness. The death was less than a year ago so I explained that currently I could not help them with their grief. Grief is a natural process that takes at least two years to move through the full grieving process.

If you are grieving give yourself time to heal on your own. Grief is natural and during the early period, a hypnotherapist should not offer to work with you.